![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hællo
I have not used this website in a dog's age, but Blazer's been blogging and I kind of like the idea of doing some longer-form blogging of my own.
For the past few months I've been adjusting to having almost no emotional-level depression while still having an inordinate (though also lessened!) amount of trouble with executive function. I feel like a normal human person who happens to be very bad at doing tasks, rather than, you know, a blasphemous husk. And - like, I'm not gonna lie, it does kind of suck to be bad at doing tasks. That is not, objectively, fun. But compared to how I was before October, it feels like I'm skipping through a field of daisies. That has a lot of laundry on the floor.
I've wondered if the emotional upswing has been, itself, preventing me from taking The Tasks seriously. Then I remember how many Tasks I was getting done before the upswing [none]. None of that virtue-misery bullshit, thank you. Also - while I'm not doing well on basic maintenance, laundry and dishes and hygiene and all, I've been laying in a ton of long-term Effective Selfishness work (to borrow a Blazerism). I helped Ezra set up a filing system for his medical records yesterday! What the fuck?! And I've got a job coach! I might have a job this spring!
I keep Discordposting about how, honestly, I'm in a really good place. I've made like three posts about it. But it just feels so novel.
For the past few months I've been adjusting to having almost no emotional-level depression while still having an inordinate (though also lessened!) amount of trouble with executive function. I feel like a normal human person who happens to be very bad at doing tasks, rather than, you know, a blasphemous husk. And - like, I'm not gonna lie, it does kind of suck to be bad at doing tasks. That is not, objectively, fun. But compared to how I was before October, it feels like I'm skipping through a field of daisies. That has a lot of laundry on the floor.
I've wondered if the emotional upswing has been, itself, preventing me from taking The Tasks seriously. Then I remember how many Tasks I was getting done before the upswing [none]. None of that virtue-misery bullshit, thank you. Also - while I'm not doing well on basic maintenance, laundry and dishes and hygiene and all, I've been laying in a ton of long-term Effective Selfishness work (to borrow a Blazerism). I helped Ezra set up a filing system for his medical records yesterday! What the fuck?! And I've got a job coach! I might have a job this spring!
I keep Discordposting about how, honestly, I'm in a really good place. I've made like three posts about it. But it just feels so novel.